Is it okay for me to admit that I'm a bit stressed out?
I have a book deadline colliding with CHA colliding with heading to New Jersey to teach at CREATE colliding with a magazine deadline and I am running to keep up. And I'm not a very good runner. Basically I'm caught in a nasty circle where I'm just hating everything I'm making and that makes me feel bad about myself and then that makes me get angry at myself for feeling bad and then that...well, you get the gist of it.
I'm trying to keep up with my blog and my e-mail and the apartment and well, there are a lot of unanswered e-mails and my studio has gone way past hurricane phase to something I like to call armageddon. Luckily my husband is out of town, so all those dirty dishes in the sink will just be our little secret, okay?
As for the blog, you may see a few posts from the archives pop up in the next week or two. They're oldies, but goodies. I promise.
Nonetheless I realize how super incredibly totally lucky I am that all these wonderful opportunities are the stressors in my life!
It's a complete accident. I somehow managed to get a bokeh effect when I was trying to photograph the fireworks. And looking at this series of photos, I had a mini ephiphany about my own little stress out meltdown.
I took 157 photos.
Only 20 of those photos were mostly in focus.
Maybe 6 of them were truly in focus.
And among the 151 rejects was this gorgeous mistake: the bokeh photograph.
A very good reminder.
I need to let go of my expectations. Not lower them, but let go entirely. I need to approach all of this creating and writing with the same freedom I have when I point my camera at some fireworks and hope for the best. Some things will work and some won't.
After all, isn't this the philosophy that I teach in my classes? That I preach in my videos? That I believe with all of my heart? Sometimes it's just so hard to let go. Especially when you really care about the outcome. But art isn't something that can be forced.
Today my mantra is: Let Go.
Thanks for stopping by!